||[Jul. 11th, 2006|09:04 pm]
hot. All the bloody time. Enough to make a man go madder. Summer is boring. And really bloody |
How're you lot?
I'm writing to your mum and telling her I've discovered a cure for lycanthropy; it's a very complex process in which the lycanthrope's parents spend the summer months in Bora Bora while the lycanthrope stays with a host family. It works best if the surname of the host family rhymes with "Trotter" or "Snack". Or "Lettigrew," but I think that might be stretching it a bit far, even for your mum.
You'd deny a true friend your Potions notes? I'm wounded. I'm hurt. I'm also planning to wrestle them off you on the train, lest I fail out of school because someone who claimed to be my friend would do nothing more than send me irritating owls reminding me to finish essays I'd never planned on starting anyway.
Hmm. I think that now I'm ready to delve into the more serious purposes of this letter.
I am concerned, Remus, for your health and sanity. You see, at the conclusion of your last letter, you asked that I say "hello" to Regulus for you. I thought that odd; after all our years of friendship, you seem to think that I say "hello" the git down the hall. I do not. I never have. I say, "sod off, you bastard," and "that is my sandwich you're eating, get away," and sometimes even "I am going to hex your face off," but not "hello".
And THEN I realized, with great horror, that YOU must say "hello" to Regulus, if you'd ask me to do it. Which begs the question: WHY, REMUS, WHY?
I expect a full explanation in your next letter, or I will come to Chile or Russia or The Great Kingdom of Frogmen Wearing Pink Hats That Miraculously Don't Drift Away Under the Sea or wherever the bloody hell you are this time and sit in your room and make annoying noises while you READ until you explain this horrifying turn of events. Until then, I will assume (for my own mental health) that you are simply planning some prank without me. Prat.
Yours in fear,
Sirius (NOT REGULUS) Black
P.S. I can't believe you'd curse letters against me (unless REGULUS taught you how. How often have you been seeing him, anyway?), but I sent them along like you asked. Because that is what true and noble friends who do not fraternize with the enemy do.